---
title: "Ancient Mummy Applies for Museum Job, Gets Rejected for Lack of Experience"
description: "5000-year-old artifact told they need 'at least 7000 years in customer service'"
pubDate: 2025-12-28
author: "Archaeological Employment News"
tags: ["humor", "work", "history"]
---

# Ancient Mummy Applies for Museum Job, Gets Rejected for Lack of Experience

*"I AM the exhibit. How is that not relevant experience?"*

Amenhotep III (died 1353 BCE, unemployed since 2025) has been rejected from 47 museum positions despite being, quote, "literally ancient Egyptian history." The primary reason? Insufficient work experience.

## The Job Search

After 3,400 years of rest, Amenhotep decided to re-enter the workforce.

"The eternal slumber thing was getting old," he explains, dust falling from his wrappings. "I woke up in a museum storage room and thought, 'I should work here.' Turns out it's harder than ruling Upper and Lower Egypt."

### The Resume

**AMENHOTEP III**
*Former Pharaoh | Current Historical Artifact*

**EXPERIENCE:**
- **Pharaoh of Egypt** (1391-1353 BCE)
  - Managed 20 million subjects
  - Oversaw construction of multiple temples
  - Maintained peace for 38 years
  - Revolutionized architectural standards

- **Museum Exhibit** (1823-2025 CE)
  - Primary attraction in Egyptian wing
  - Educated millions of visitors
  - Perfect attendance (literally couldn't leave)
  - Generated significant revenue through ticket sales

**SKILLS:**
- Ancient Egyptian language (native)
- Modern English (learned from museum tours)
- Hieroglyphics (fluent)
- Time management (mastered eternity)
- Customer service (people stared at me for 200 years)

**REFERENCES:**
Available upon request from the afterlife

## The Interview Disaster

### Metropolitan Museum of Art - Egyptology Curator Position

**Interviewer:** "Tell me about yourself."

**Amenhotep:** "I am Amenhotep III, Lord of the Two Lands, Builder of Monuments—"

**Interviewer:** "Great! But what's your relevant experience?"

**Amenhotep:** "I *AM* Egyptian history. I *LIVED* it. You have a statue of my wife in Gallery 126."

**Interviewer:** "Yes, but do you have museum management experience?"

**Amenhotep:** "I managed an empire of—"

**Interviewer:** "In the museum sector specifically?"

**Amenhotep:** "I've been an exhibit for 200 years!"

**Interviewer:** "That's not the same as employment. We're looking for someone with at least 5 years of—"

**Amenhotep:** *[Stands up, begins to leave]*

**Interviewer:** "Where are you going?"

**Amenhotep:** "Back to my sarcophagus. This is pointless."

**Status:** Position filled by recent graduate with 6 months internship

---

## The Rejection Letters

### Rejection #1: British Museum

```
Dear Mr. Hotep,

Thank you for your interest in the "Egyptian Antiquities Specialist" position.

While your background is impressive, we're seeking candidates with:
✗ Modern museum software proficiency
✗ Social media management experience
✗ Fluency in contemporary academic methodology

Your experience, while extensive, is outdated by approximately 3,400 years.

We'll keep your resume on file.

Best regards,
HR Department
```

**Amenhotep's response:** *"I'm literally IN your collection. I'm employee of the month in perpetuity."*

### Rejection #2: Cairo Museum

```
Dear Amenhotep,

We appreciate your application for "Ancient Egypt Tour Guide."

Unfortunately, you lack:
- Required certifications
- Tourism license
- Ability to stay on script (you kept adding "and I built that" to tours)

Also, several visitors complained about you calling them peasants.

Better luck elsewhere.
```

**Amenhotep's response:** *"They WERE peasants. That's objective fact."*

### Rejection #3: Local Community College

```
Dear Applicant,

Thank you for applying to teach "Introduction to Ancient Egypt."

While you certainly have subject matter expertise, our requirements include:
- Bachelor's degree (minimum)
- Teaching certificate
- References from last 10 years

Your references from 1300 BCE cannot be verified.

Position filled.
```

**Amenhotep's response:** *"I invented the things they're teaching. This is absurd."*

## The LinkedIn Profile

After 12 rejections, Amenhotep created a LinkedIn profile.

**Current Status:** "Open to work"
**Headline:** "Former Pharaoh | 3400+ years experience | Looking for opportunities in museum sector"

### Skills & Endorsements:

**Endorsed by 0 people:**
- Leadership (Divine mandate)
- Architecture (Built temples still standing)
- Public Speaking (Royal decrees)
- Time Management (Ruled for 38 years)
- Preservation (Self-mummification)

### Recommendations:

**None** (Everyone he knows is dead)

### InMail Messages:

**Recruiter:** *"Hi! I see you have leadership experience. We're looking for a Product Manager in fintech. Interested?"*

**Amenhotep:** *"I ruled an empire. I'm not managing your app."*

**Recruiter:** *"Noted! We'll keep you in mind for future opportunities!"*

## The Overqualification Problem

### Interview at Small Historical Society

**Interviewer:** "I see you were a pharaoh."

**Amenhotep:** "Yes."

**Interviewer:** "We're looking for someone to answer phones and give tours."

**Amenhotep:** "I can do that."

**Interviewer:** "Honestly? You're overqualified. We can't pay what someone with your background deserves."

**Amenhotep:** "I've been unemployed for 3,400 years. I'll take minimum wage."

**Interviewer:** "You'd get bored within a week."

**Amenhotep:** "I spent 200 years standing in a display case. I know boredom."

**Interviewer:** "Sorry, we're going with someone else."

**Status:** Position given to 19-year-old history student

## The Modern Workplace Challenges

### Issue #1: Technology

**Job Requirement:** "Proficiency in Microsoft Office Suite"

**Amenhotep's Experience:** Invented papyrus, pioneered written records

**Hiring Manager:** "Yes, but can you use Excel?"

**Amenhotep:** "...What is Excel?"

**Status:** Application rejected

### Issue #2: Dress Code

**Interview Feedback:** "Professional attire required"

**Amenhotep's Outfit:** Ceremonial burial wrappings, golden amulets, linen bandages

**Interviewer's Note:** "Candidate arrived inappropriately dressed. Appeared to be wrapped in toilet paper and claimed it was 'royal linen.'"

### Issue #3: The Gap in Employment

**Every Interview:**

**Interviewer:** "I see a significant gap in your employment history. 1353 BCE to 2025 CE. Can you explain?"

**Amenhotep:** "I was dead."

**Interviewer:** "And what were you doing during that time?"

**Amenhotep:** "...Being dead. And occasionally being studied by archaeologists."

**Interviewer:** "So no professional development?"

**Amenhotep:** "I MAINTAINED MY PHYSICAL FORM FOR 34 CENTURIES. That's dedication."

## The Gig Economy Attempt

Desperate for income, Amenhotep tried freelancing:

### Task Rabbit - "Historical Consultation"

**Rating:** ⭐ (1.2 stars)

**Reviews:**

**Jennifer M.:** *"Hired him to help with my kid's Egypt project. He spent 2 hours complaining about historical inaccuracies in The Mummy (1999). One star."*

**Mark T.:** *"Asked for help moving furniture. He refused, saying 'I am divine royalty, not a laborer.' Then he complained that I don't have servants. Zero stars."*

**Sarah K.:** *"Wanted authentic hieroglyphics translated. He translated them and then lectured me about improper veneration of the gods for 45 minutes. Never again."*

### Uber Driver

**Application Status:** Rejected

**Reason:** "Mummy-wrapped hands cannot safely operate steering wheel"

**Amenhotep's Appeal:** "I commanded 100,000 charioteers!"

**Uber's Response:** "Sir, this is different."

### Cameo

**Status:** Active (finally accepted somewhere)

**Price:** $500 per video

**Bookings:** 2

**Reviews:**

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ *"Hired him for my egyptology professor's birthday. He was great! Although he did curse the professor's research as 'woefully incomplete.' Professor loved it."*

⭐⭐ *"Paid for a fun birthday message. Got a 10-minute rant about how Netflix's Cleopatra documentary was wrong about everything. Accurate, but not what I asked for."*

## The Unpaid Internship Offer

After 47 rejections, Amenhotep finally got an offer: unpaid internship at a small museum.

**Position:** Gallery Assistant Intern
**Pay:** $0
**Benefits:** "Great learning opportunity!"
**Requirements:** Bachelor's degree, 2 years experience

**Amenhotep's Response:**

```
Dear Hiring Manager,

I appreciate the offer but must decline.

I ruled an empire.
I built monuments that survived millennia.
I'm literally in your competitor's collection.

I will not work for free.

Regards,
Amenhotep III
Former Pharaoh, Current Job Seeker
```

## The Breakthrough

Finally, one museum saw potential:

**Natural History Museum - "Living History Interpreter"**

**Job Description:** Dress in historical costume, educate visitors about ancient Egypt

**Amenhotep:** "I don't need a costume. I AM ancient Egypt."

**Interviewer:** "That's... actually perfect. You're hired."

**Pay:** $18/hour

**Amenhotep's Thought:** *"I once owned all the gold in Egypt. Now I make $18/hour."*

## First Day on the Job

### 9:00 AM - Orientation

**HR:** "Welcome! Let's go over benefits. We offer health insurance—"

**Amenhotep:** "I'm already dead. What would I claim?"

**HR:** "...Dental?"

**Amenhotep:** *[Opens mouth revealing 3400-year-old teeth]*

**HR:** "Moving on."

### 11:00 AM - First Tour

**Amenhotep:** "Welcome! I am Amenhotep III, and I will be your guide to ancient Egypt."

**Tourist:** "Cool costume! You really commit to the role!"

**Amenhotep:** "This is not a costume. These are my ACTUAL burial wrappings."

**Tourist:** "Wow, method acting! Love it!"

**Amenhotep:** *[Sighs in ancient Egyptian]*

### 2:00 PM - Incident Report

**Manager:** "Amenhotep, we received a complaint."

**Amenhotep:** "About what?"

**Manager:** "You told a child that King Tut was 'a minor pharaoh who got too much attention.'"

**Amenhotep:** "That's historically accurate."

**Manager:** "The kid was wearing a King Tut t-shirt."

**Amenhotep:** "Then the child should know the truth."

**Manager:** "Please... just stick to the script."

## The Job Review

After 3 months:

**Strengths:**
- ✅ Authentic knowledge
- ✅ Never calls in sick
- ✅ Draws huge crowds

**Areas for Improvement:**
- ❌ Stop correcting the exhibit placards
- ❌ Don't refer to visitors as "mortals"
- ❌ Stop ranking pharaohs during tours
- ❌ Cannot claim exhibits as "personal property"

**Overall:** 3.5/5 - "Satisfactory performance with room for modern adaptation"

---

**Amenhotep is currently employed** at the Natural History Museum, where he gives tours, complains about historical inaccuracies, and dreams of the days when people properly feared pharaohs.

**Still Open to New Opportunities:** Senior roles only. No internships.

<small>*This reporter interviewed Amenhotep during his lunch break. He doesn't eat lunch. He spent the time critiquing the museum's cafeteria mural for historical inaccuracies. Four stars for dedication to accuracy.*</small>
