---
title: "Local Vampire and Werewolf Open 24-Hour Coffee Shop, Immediately Regret It"
description: "Nocturnal entrepreneurs discover that running a business requires more than just being awake at night"
pubDate: 2025-12-14
author: "Night Shift Chronicles"
tags: ["humor", "business", "supernatural"]
---

# Local Vampire and Werewolf Open 24-Hour Coffee Shop, Immediately Regret It

Three weeks ago, longtime rivals Vlad Nightshade (vampire, 437 years old) and Luna Howlington (werewolf, 28 in human years) shocked the supernatural community by announcing their new business venture: **"Fangs & Beans"** - a 24-hour coffee shop catering to night owls, insomniacs, and the eternally damned.

Today, they're already considering closing.

## The Dream

"We thought it was perfect," explains Vlad, adjusting his "LIVE LAUGH LATTE" apron with visible distaste. "We're both nocturnal. We both love coffee. We both have centuries of customer service experience—"

"You have centuries. I have three years at a Starbucks," Luna interrupts, picking coffee grounds out of her fur.

"—and we figured the night shift would be easier. Fewer customers, you know?"

They were very wrong.

## The Reality

### Problem #1: The Full Moon Situation

Every 28 days, Luna transforms into a massive wolf, which wouldn't be a problem except she insists on still working her shift.

"I can't just take a day off every month! We're understaffed!" Luna growls, literally.

The solution? A special "Doggy Menu" that mysteriously appears one night each month, featuring:
- Puppuccinos (extra large)
- Bacon lattes
- "Fetch Your Own Coffee" (table service suspended)
- All squeaky toys 50% off

Customer reviews on those nights mention "excellent ambiance" and "very authentic wolf-themed experience."

### Problem #2: Garlic Bread

Their bakery supplier didn't get the memo about Vlad's dietary restrictions. The first delivery of garlic bread nearly ended the partnership.

"I couldn't enter my own shop for two days!" Vlad complains. "Do you know how embarrassing it is to be locked out of your business by *bread*?"

Now all baked goods undergo a rigorous vampire-safety inspection. The garlic bread is stored in a separate building, three blocks away, inside a safe.

### Problem #3: The Mirror Mystery

The shop's aesthetic features exposed brick, Edison bulbs, and approximately 47 decorative mirrors. Vlad appears in exactly zero of them.

"Customers keep thinking we have a clever 'invisible barista' gimmick," sighs Luna. "Last week someone tried to tip a ghost."

They've started telling people it's "performance art."

### Problem #4: The Espresso Machine vs. Supernatural Strength

They've gone through 6 espresso machines in three weeks.

"I keep forgetting I have super strength," Luna admits, gesturing to a pile of crushed metal that was once a $4,000 commercial espresso maker. "I just give the portafilter a little twist and—"

"It explodes," Vlad finishes. "Every. Single. Time."

"Also, I may have bitten one."

"You *definitely* bit one."

## The Customers

Despite everything, "Fangs & Beans" has developed a loyal following:

**Greg (3:47 AM regular)** ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
*"I love this place! The barista with the cape makes incredible cold brew, and the large furry one gives great recommendations. Very committed to their characters!"*

**Sarah (Night Nurse)** ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
*"Finally, a coffee shop that understands night shift workers. Though I'm concerned the owner hasn't aged in the three weeks I've been coming here."*

**Marcus (Paranormal Investigator)** ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
*"My EMF reader goes CRAZY in here. Five stars. Will investigate further. The croissants are also excellent."*

## The Business Plan Going Forward

After three weeks of chaos, Vlad and Luna have made some adjustments:

1. No more decorative mirrors (Vlad's reflection anxiety was affecting latte art)
2. Manual espresso machine only (Luna-proof)
3. Garlic-free zone (enforced by ancient vampire magic and health code violations)
4. "Howl Hour" special every full moon: BOGO on all drinks, no questions asked about the barista

## The Partnership

Despite the challenges, the unlikely duo seems to be making it work.

"We have our differences," Vlad admits, cape swishing as he froths milk with supernatural precision. "I'm immortal, sophisticated, and prefer type O-negative to coffee. She's... enthusiastic."

"And he's a drama queen who sparkles in UV light and writes poetry about espresso," Luna adds, effortlessly carrying three bags of coffee beans. "But the coffees are great, and honestly? It's nice to work with someone who actually understands why you can't do morning shifts."

"Cheers to that," Vlad raises his blood-red... beverage.

"Is that coffee or—"

"Don't ask questions you don't want answers to."

## Visit Us!

**Fangs & Beans**
Open: 8 PM - 6 AM (Because mornings are literally fatal for management)
Location: 666 Moonlight Drive, in the basement of the old clock tower

*Warning: Silver spoons available upon request. Wooden stakes will be confiscated.*

---

*Full disclosure: This reporter may or may not have been hypnotized into writing a positive review. The coffee IS genuinely excellent though.*
